Aug. 2nd, 2017

nebris: (A Dark Boy)
~My old friend just called and told me that my ex-fiancee Wendy is dead. He'd been leaving FB messages saying he had news about her for a few days. So I said mean things about her in FB Messenger as I've been in my own shit aka 'I hate my birthday' and maybe our oldest kitty Icarus, nearly 18 y/o, is getting ready to 'pass over'. *sigh*

I'm still a moody asshole most days...

Thing is, she'd never dealt with her main issue, being molested by her older brother from 8 to 12 y/o. She told me when we were engaged, back in 1979/80 when she was 18/19 and I was 27/28. I confronted him and he fessed up. Told their father too, who I was good friends with. Richard still hates me for that.

But she never got counseling and remained in relationship with him.

Richard is a Sai Baba devotee [another child rapist] and got her all caught up with him. He's always been a self righteous narcissistic asshole and he was trying to get her to 'pray it away' without him having to confront his own guilt and culpability.

And when her marriage crashed a few years back, she gained weight [she'd been a dancer and yogi and always tall and lean] and started drinking heavily, plus prescription drugs too. Three weeks ago she was found face down in her apartment by her brother and daughter. As a long time 12 Stepper, I know the signs of Long Form Suicide.

Two years ago I had thought of reaching out to Wendy. But then Eva showed up and my old friend told me that she and Richard were going off to India to Baba's joint, so I shelved that idea. I knew such was probably hopeless and I had to look toward the future and The Sisterhood.

I did cry a bit, but she behaved badly with me a decade after our engagement ended. I still cared for her and she was planning to use me as a 'last fling' before she married the guy who would divorce her. And she pretty much shoved that in my face. We never spoke again.

So she broke my heart twice. I suppose I cry some more later, though maybe more for my 'lost youth' than Wendy. And yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but I'm a fucking Guru and Harsh Truths are our stock and trade.

And so it is...

Goddess Bless you, Wendy, and may She speed you Upon The Wheel. I Pray your next Life is happier.

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The Divine Mr. M

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