nebris: (A Dark Boy)
I lay upon my bed
pleasant flaccid numbness
a depression hangover

I think of...things
colored pencils arranged by shade
neat patches of farm land
a kitchen tables set for breakfast
bathed in the golden light of morning
English actors playing Swedes
Order against Chaos
Life Against Death

I just lay there
a pleasant flaccid numbness
but my bladder requires attention
and I have a day that I need
to get through as if it meant something... Faith is weak
I cannot hear my Spirit Guide
and I fear my Death


Apr. 7th, 2016 06:27 pm
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~It was hot and dry the past two days, mid 80's and single digit humidity. Today it's overcast and raining on and off. Kind of disorienting.

I have so many things I want to talk about. But I don't seem to have the energy or focus to do so. Part of that is upping my Happy Pill intake. I sorta don't give a shit now. And I'm healing from a bad tooth infection and the antibiotics make me shit.

It's my father's 86th birthday today, which is getting me to think about all the death I've faced this past year, his and three close friends, one of whom was only 45.

...and now I've run out of steam...


Aug. 20th, 2015 05:53 pm
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~Twelve days since my father died. I get moments of grief and some tears, but it all has an unreal quality. I suppose that is largely the Time and Distance thing at work. So long since I'd seen him and he was so far away. [New Jersey]

I do have some regrets that I did not call more often. I tried to get him on-line, but he resisted. The problems with calling were that I get tired, but more that I no longer do 'small talk'. It's all Politics and The Fate of The World. How could I say to him, “You did a wonderful job raising my brother and sister. Too bad their world is pretty much fucked,”?

I had planned to give HIM a present for MY birthday, a letter saying I'm sorry for not calling more and a handful of my short stories, so he could see a little bit of what I was doing. And then he was in the hospital..and then he was dead.

There, that brought up some tears....


nebris: (Default)
The Divine Mr. M

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