Random

~Generally, I'm feeling a bit better with each passing day on these meds. I ran some errands this morning – library, supermarket, Micky D's – and I don't feel like I just did a leg of The Iron Man. This is allowing my mind to refocus as well.

Thinking has always been a dangerous activity for me, though the nature of that danger has changed over the years. Once upon a time, my thinking paralyzed me, what one sponsor calls Big Picture Alcoholism.

That's where you can use your [often accurate] perception of the world as 'going to hell in a hand basket' as a reason to drink and use, or if sober, to slide into an impotent teeth clinching rage...which, of course, leads to a pretty good excuse to get loaded again.

I have somehow made it past those states of being – probably via what is commonly known as a State of Grace cause I can only take minimal credit having dragged my fucking feet the whole time. Most of my Lessons have been hammered straight into my thick fucking skull.

However, now that I am here [my shit smells like roses lol]..um, sorry. Let's try that again.

However, now that I am here, I am still presented with the 'going to hell in a hand basket' dilemma. The last few times I was sitting in the Trucklette in the Micky D line, I heard myself saying, “This is not sustainable.”

I do not mean the life me and Le-Le have right now. As long as the 'framework' holds, we could go on like this for years. Nether of us has lived a High Maintenance lifestyle for quite some time and we're actually rather comfortable, especially now that we've shaped up our finances.

No, I mean that the whole socio-economic framework is not sustainable...and I get to worrying, though – Goddess Bless – it does not paralyze me. The worry is simply that we won't have enough time to get The Temple in place before shit comes apart.

And sometimes I wonder if shit actually will come apart. There is a lot of Catastrophe Porn in circulation and most of it seems driven by wishful thinking. Clearly, “things must change!” but so what? Things always change; that is the 'nature of things'.

Not really sure wtf I mean to say here, just that I needed to say it. And, as ever, I do my best to return to The Work. Everything I do is ultimately about The Work. In the end, nothing else sustains one like Purpose.

And that's the name of that tune...

Quote of The Day

"Once we have surrendered our senses and nervous systems to the private manipulation of those who would try to benefit from taking a lease on our eyes and ears and nerves, we don't really have any rights left. Leasing our eyes and ears and nerves to commercial interests is like handing over the common speech to a private corporation, or like giving the earth's atmosphere to a company as a monopoly." ~Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media: The Extensions of Man