Fuck Me

~I'm deep in one of my Most Humans Are Vile Ignorant Scum moods, which leads to Why Botherism. I'm dispirited and tired. I can't write and half the time don't care. If Le-Le didn't need me I'd likely slide into The Suicide Game. It's a game because I won't do it; I'd just pretend and that would give me a small respite.

In this place the whole idea of The Explanation seems like a nasty metaphysical joke, one designed to torment me like Sisyphus, a goal that eternally recedes toward the horizon. I feel like an idiot, like a fat old fool. My teeth hurt and I wish I could truly want to die...but I don't even have that sad desperate luxury.

Random

~After I posted my lil missive this morning I ate some more, watched The Social Network and then went to sleep for ten and half hours. That has generally improved my state of mind. I'm still certain that Most Humans Are Vile Ignorant Scum [MHAVIS..pronounced Mavis lol], but right now I really don't care much. It's the Ability to Detach that is Key.

I had slept poorly the day before. That tends tax my emotional resilience. Combine that with my interaction with this crazy bitch and The Proof of MHAVIS seen in The Futility of The Hoi Polloi and I spiraled inward quickly once I descended to another level of tiredness.

I'm 'okay' at this point. Not 'back in the saddle', but not staring blankly at the walls either. And so it is...