nebris: (The Temple 2)
~I felt like I should be speaking about my Faith and my Patience and so on…but I’m really not in the fucking mood.

I looked back under my old Live Journal tag ‘most humans are vile ignorant scum’ and found “Her Prophet Blah Blah” from Jan 18th, 2011, to wit:

~I am a venomous and hostile son-of-a-bitch and usually filled with a deep loathing and profound contempt for the vast majority of my fellow humans. Though I have asked E many times – and She has answered as many – most of the time I still find myself mystified as to why She choose me to follow this Path. On Good Days, it seems like a Redemption. On Bad Days, like a Punishment. But on the rest of the days it seems like there is precious little difference between those two conditions and all of that rather subjective.

It’s always a Lesson I suppose. *sigh* /end

These past few days is has seemed like those ‘latter days’ where there is ‘precious little difference between those two conditions’…and that has left me exhausted, sad and yet weirdly hopeful.

My Doubt and my Faith seem to be mud-wrestling, my sanity is in question and once again I am fearful that I simply do not have what it takes to 'stay the course’. But on the other hand, I am solidly into my twenty first year on this part of this Path and that should tell all of us something about my tenacity and outright fanaticism.

PS The other day, I wrote an angry note to Kat, who started me on this Path when I was seventeen and who should have become The Sisterhood’s High Priestess a half dozen years ago. But she turned out to be weak and shallow and too self-centered, so I just told her to fuck off.

Cleaning house….
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~It's my birthday in a week and half and, as usual, I'm not all that taken with its proximity. Throughout my life it has always been a marker of what I haven't accomplished. And when I was up at Hotel Hell, a likely flash point for emotional [and sometimes physical] violence. Basically, it is what is called a Negative Anchor.

As the birthday of The Sisterhood is two day after, it is now also a marker for The Sisterhood's progress. This too gets me a bit depressed. Last May it was 20 years since this Path made itself clear to me. In October it will be 15 years since our Tenets were Revealed to me. And in roughly two weeks The Sisterhood as such will be 12 years old.

...and we're still more or less nowhere, just a 'concept' shared by barely a handful.

I fully admit to being selfish about wanting to see this thing started within my life time. And with each birthday I anguish about not having that. Plus as I look out upon The World, I see its State of Being going in the crappier PDQ and worry that if The Sisterhood does not get underway soon, it never will....

...and this of course is another moment where my Faith falters. I suppose I suck as a Prophet. Too fucking many 'dark nights of the soul' [it's a little after 3am] and even I have been fucking bored by those – and the whining that accompanies them – for years now. *sigh*

But I won't give up. In way too deep at this point. And besides, what else am I going to do? I was given this gig via Divine Action and I know I'll get my ass kicked if I try to bail. [been there, done that] Such is how this Prophet racket works. Once you're in, you never get out...

...and so it fucking is.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~My First High Priestess just sent me an e-mail with a link to a new guru type fella. I perused it and replied, “Eh. It tracks like every other New Age 'Positive Thinking' 'Change The World' dealio I've seen over the past forty plus years.” Then I thanked her for sending it because, well, you never know.

The thing that most annoys about all of these New Age types like this new guru fella is their inevitable vagueness. There is always the 'Positive Thinking' and 'Change The World' and 'Universal Enlightenment' and 'Profound Shift' and 'Attracting Your Highest Good' so on and so forth, but exactly how said change/shift is going to be implemented is never really mentioned, not beyond exhortations to 'look within' and 'embrace your joy' and 'think positively' and 'feel your power' and 'share your love' etc. Oh and 'share your money' too BTW.

As someone who has participated in Con Games from both sides, I can tell you for a fact that those are all the hallmarks of a Con. Now, maybe the guru in question actually believes the Con, which is usually the most effective way of Selling The Con, but that's just Method Acting.

It's always Love and Light and Good Feelings and anything 'negative' or 'unpleasant' is swept under the rug PDQ. That especially applies to any serious questions about the details of how The Great Change is actually going to happen. That kind of behavior will get you Excluded From The Group.

This of course is a primary reason why The Explanation is such a hard sell. It has very little in the way of 'good feelings' but a shitload of Hard Truths. It also has a very specific set of goals and a very specific set of plans for achieving them. It is almost impossible to bullshit one's self about what you're getting into. It's Eyes Wide Open or No Thank You. No middle ground. *sigh*

And there's no Instant Gratification. Building a New Matriarchy is clearly shown to be Hard Work over a period of generations. It's not going to 'improve your relationships' or 'make you better at your job' or any of the other Marketing bullshit most gurus and 'life style trainings' hustle.

Sure, you could certainly feel better about yourself, but that's only because you'd have True Purpose and be doing something that Actually Fucking Matters for more that five fucking minutes. [see "It is no measure of good health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society."]

While a number of woman have tested the waters, so far, only one Sister has showed up and stayed...in fifteen years. So, yes, Her Prophet is also a Bitter Fucker...

...and there you have it.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~I've been watching this stupid clusterfuck unfold on Twitter the past half day and I'm...I don't know, torn between despair and disgust. I commented, “The White Male POV: 'slaves fighting to the death over scraps that fell off of *our* table'. /sigh”

So, time for a little bit of Mansplaining...

First off, I'm Fixed Gendered, so don't call me 'Cis'. It's fucking ugly and I suspect was chosen exactly for that reason, a passive/aggressive dig at those of us who are fine with our genitals.

Second, this is still A White Man's World. It possibly may not be for that much longer, but I warn y'all not to underestimate my Brothers. We're some mean and evil mother fuckers and will not let go of what is “Ours” without a very nasty fight. And our defeat is not yet assured, trust me.

Third, even though I am now a fat old fuck on Disability living in a double-wide outside of East Bumfuck, as an Educated White Male, I still have buckets more Privilege than 95% of you fucking bitches, whatever your color. All I have to do is show up, be charming in a forthright fashion and the waters part. I've done this many many times...which brings us to

Fourth, as 'slaves' [read NOT White Males of a Certain Class] most of you have no real understanding of Power. You know how to be Oppressed – I can always see the notch on the backs of your necks where my boot fits - but seem to be clueless as to how to be Powerful. I'm not talking 'empowered', that sorry-assed New Age buzzword.

No, I mean Power. Even when I was homeless on LA's Skid Row I carried myself as Master, more so in fact because of where I was. And folks down there Got It and deferred. I could pull that off because I knew in my fucking balls that I am a Patriarch, that I am fucking Mr. Charlie, and no amount of self-esteem seminars in the world can give you that.

As a White Male of a Certain Class I was raised KNOWING that this World belongs to Me and Mine. And those who have not experienced that “cannot” understand it. And that part of me sneers at the shenanigans taking place around the above events: 'slaves fighting to the death over scraps that fell off of *our* table'.

Those with the real Power laugh at these ridiculous doctrinal squabbles, these stupid internecine bloodlettings, these catfights filled with Victim Rhetoric. They are clear proof of how weak and powerless you really are.

This brings me back to something I said a few days ago: “In the US a women is raped apx every minute and a half, but when I talk about banning penises, people call me insane.” For all the noise about Feminism and LGBT 'empowerment', when it comes right down to it, you stupid cunts are still fighting over The Cock.

And while you're doing that, my Brothers are pissing on your heads and laughing....
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~And I do mean badly...

It seems I have fucked up on The Matriarchal Calendar this year, 12AS. The mistake is in how I oriented the years vis-a-vis The Festival of The Turning. Though it is an Intercalandary period, I thought it proper to aim it at the coming year, but I now realize that it needs to be aimed at the preceding year.

What this means in practical terms is that I have posted the entire year so far one day ahead. *sigh*

So what I'm going to do now it re-start from Right Now and proceed from there. And then, because this is fucking important and I am fucking Obsessive, I will go back over the entire past year and fix the dates. Every Single Entree.

I never said I was prefect...
nebris: (The Temple 2)
...I'm sure that title will get the Trolls all atwitter..lol..

~Most of the heterosexual men who say they have no desire to fuck teenage girls are lying to somebody, themselves or others. Nature has perfectly evolved the teenage girl to BE fucked. Of course, from this statement comes the 'clutching of pearls' and 'the exclamations of Moral Outrage' and the shrieks of “Pedophile!!!”

All of which are just more of the same Puritan based Middle Class Ignorance that keeps Patriarchy in place and allows The Corporate State, Patriarchy's bastard child, to dominate the conversation, besides perpetuating a Deep Denial about our fundamental State of Being, e.g. 'biological'.

Teenage girls are meant to be fucked because they are obviously still young and generally healthy...and very very fertile. Shit, just look at one too hard and you'll knock her ass up. But fucking is really not about 'fucking'; it's about Reproduction and the Survival of the Species and Nature does not give a shit about your Middle Class Morals.

Now starting to pump out babies at thirteen or fourteen is certainly not great for the health of any female, but Nature doesn't care about that either. Through most of human history we tended to live only to our late 30's/early 40's and most infants did not survive to adolescence, much less adulthood. Note that Queen Anne of Great Britain [1665-1714] gave birth to nineteen children, most of whom were stillborn or died within days, or even hours, of birth and the eldest only made it to eleven. And she was a fucking queen!

That said, I would remark that in the vast majority of cases, especially in this day and age, older men should NOT be fucking teenage girls. Most of you fuckers don't really want babies, or if you do, it's only to 'mark your Masculinity' and not to actually show up and be a father. And most teenage girls are not even close to being ready to be mothers, certainly not to bring up emotionally functional children, with or without some jackoff 'baby daddy'.

But older men, and fair number of boys, will just keep on fucking teenage girls and knocking their ripe young asses up. And all the Middle Class moralizing, statutory rape charges and finger shaking ain't gonna do shit to stop that.

What would stop that shit would be truly educating teenage girls about Reproduction, including the above history, so they understand WTF is actually going on with their bodies and their emotions. Then they need to be provided with safe and effective contraception so they can learn to own themselves as Sexual Beings without having to become mothers before they choose to. That's called Empowerment.

But Patriarchy – and its Moralizing Enablers – does not want that. As I have said before, “This is a function of Patriarchy, the need to control women on the most basic level, as Reproductive Beings. And to do this women must be hemmed in socially and legally.” [Source]

And so it fucking is...
nebris: (The Temple 2)
“While reading the above, some of you may have asked, 'why does an entire civilization need a single Spiritual Path?'

Part of that answer is quite simple; we, The Temple of The Pentavalence, were created with the goal of utterly transforming human civilization as it presently stands and we were created is this form because history has shown over and over and over again that a Spiritual Path is the single most effective and long lasting method of achieving such a total transformation.

Such a total transformation is required because, as stated above, the human species is clearly in trouble. And there is another answer to the question, 'why does an entire civilization need a single Spiritual Path?'

The answer is, “In order to guide a Triple Economy.”

Before we proceed with this let us state a basic scientific fact: the entire Universe is made up of Energy, every fucking piece of it. So saying we face a 'energy crisis' any time in the next billion years or so is outright horseshit.

What we actually face is a 'systems management crisis' with two major components. A: over population and B: operating within a closed resource system aka Planet Earth. In simple terms, too many people and not enough resources where said people happen to live.

Let us continue...

In his prescient volume, Small is Beautiful, E.F. Schumacher made the observation that there was both a Primary Economy, which consists of what 'nature' provides, what Capitalism would call 'raw materials', and a Secondary Economy, which is the actual production of 'finished goods' from said raw materials.

More than three decades later, J.M. Greer expanded upon this paradigm by the keen observation that there is a Tertiary Economy, one which manipulates the first two. He is speaking purely of Industrial Capitalism as his writing comes in the post-Soviet era, but it's clear that Soviet Communism was just as much a Tertiary Economic Model as Capitalism. It simply reached its End Game first.

In laying out the framework for an Economic Model for The New Matriarchy, we shall utilize [and modify] a number of the ideas of Schumacher, and to a lesser extent, Greer, though we shall also reject portions of these ideas because they are both Cultural Minimalists and Neo-Luddites, positions we strongly believe to be anti-survival for reasons which will shortly be made clear.

At this point we believe it necessary to make some change in terminology. Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary are all a bit too vague. They refer to the order of things, but not their content. So, we have renamed them and begun to expand upon their definition.

The Primary or “Natural” Economy:

The phrase Natural Economy is more evocative of the meaning intended, the resources available in Nature. It needs to be pointed out however that Nature is not limited to this world alone, that the Universe has vast resources as well. But we shall stay with Natural Economy as 'universal economy' could be confused with other constructs.

The Secondary or “Productive” Economy:

This really covers everything, all goods and services, from Geppetto cobbling a single pair of shoes in his workshop to the vast machinery of ConAgra harvesting twenty million acres in the American heartland. Hopefully, one day it will include things like an industrial complex at El Five and the mining of the Asteroid Belt.

The Tertiary or “Conceptual” Economy:

This is the part that does not actually exist in solid reality, hence “Conceptual”. It could also be called the “Ideological” Economy. It is dangerous in that it is not constrained by real world factors like the first two, at least not until those real world factors make themselves known and usually in a catastrophic manner, like bursting of various financial bubbles, or, in the case of the Soviet Union, a system wide operational failure of the Construct itself.

Therefore, The Triple Economy is the combined paradigms of the Natural, Production, and Conceptual Economies.

It is in the area of the Conceptual Economy that the economy of this New Matriarchy shall first take shape, on a small scale to begin with, but ultimately expanding throughout the globe and then, Goddess willing, out into The Universe itself.

For most of the Modern Era, roughly the last five hundred years, two Conceptual Economies have dominated. Broadly speaking they can be called the Collectivist/ Egalitarian Construct [Socialism, Communism, Social Democracy, etc] and the Individualist/Elitist Construct [Capitalism, Imperialism, Liberal Democracy, etc].

Both have existed in human societies since the beginning of history, but were always subordinated to some other social, political, and/or theological paradigm. It is only in the Modern Era that they emerged to operate in their own right.

Obviously these constructs are very powerful and dynamic though neither has completely edged out the other. The most successful systems have proved to be a balanced combination of the two, though achieving that is not as easy as it sounds.

And each of them had a fatal flaw. Ultimately, at their most fundamental level, they are based upon Self Centered Materialism, the paradigm of “Three Hots and a Cot.”

To the Cold and the Hungry, that is certainly a most attractive paradigm. And therein lays much of the power of each construct, and that dynamic can carry a society for a number of generations.

But at some point it hits what could be called an 'existential wall'. When all ones basic needs are met – food, shelter, survival – and then all ones less basic needs are met – luxury, comfort, indulgence – then what? Here we encounter the issues delineated in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. After all the above needs have been satisfied, there are the Spiritual Needs, the need to find and understand the purpose of our existence, the “Why Are We Here?” issue.

Soviet Communism collapsed because they not merely failed to answer this question, they rejected it outright. In the end, the people's of the Soviet Empire rejected that rejection and without the use - once again - of the Iron Fist, the whole edifice came crashing down. Without any real Purpose, the Will to Repress had failed along with the Will to Endure.

Western Industrial Capitalism seemed to thrive with its “Three Hots and a Cot plus a Wide Screen TV” paradigm. But that requires a level of consumption and exploitation that has proven to be unsustainable and the End Game for that is now upon us with a vengeance.

Plus neither Construct ever fielded a Greater Purpose that its citizens were fully inspired by in the long term, with the result being Apathy, Anger, and Addition on a massive scale, the attempt by hundreds of millions to fill that Existential Void.

And now a general Collapse looms, Social, Economic, Physical, Spiritual, not the total breakdown that some predict – and even long for – but significant enough to be quite painful and possibly contain the seeds of a larger and more complete Collapse further down the line.

For our survival, we must do two practical things; get our heavy industry off of the surface of this planet, Gaea, our home, our Mother.. They are wounding Her. And we must reduce our overall numbers. We are suffocating Her. Trust me, if we do not do this ourselves, Gaea will do it for us. She has in fact already begun to do so.

The above ideologies, both Religious and Economic, are utterly incapable of first task, Industry Up, for reasons of Greed, Political Short Sightedness, and Theological Blindness. Such an undertaking would not generate the obscene profit margins that Capitalism requires, would demand a Focus and Effort beyond any Election Cycle, and fly in the face of all End Times Thinking.

The second task, Population Down, would encounter vast resistance across the board. “Whose population must go down?” would be the cry. Every nation, race, polity, etc would point their fingers at every other and scream “Racism!” or “Genocide!” or whatever they thought would apply or give them the most psycho-political traction.

But what does any of this have to do with the establishment of a New Matriarchy?

Here we must first quote Revealed Knowledge. E says, “Once upon a time, my race transformed itself from beings with bodies into beings of pure energy. Then we went wandering throughout Creation looking for that which had created it.

We spent tens of millions of years searching and traveled stunningly vast distances. We learned much...and yet never found The Source of All. We found clues, but never the Being Itself.

And then we began to fade away and realized we needed to have bodies again. But ours were long gone, so we would need new ones. A new search began.

That led us to Earth and to a very primitive species, but one with great promise. They had already begun to change their own psyches with hallucinogenic plants. We stepped in and took that further.

We bred and guided and manipulated the genetics of many generations of that species until they were ready to host the consciousness of our race. The Merging that took place was not without incident, but was successful...though the seed of a fatal flaw remained.

We and that species were now one race. And a mighty race they were. Raised continents. Created new species at will. And did this all without any instrumentation, just with the power of their minds.

But as time passed, their physical being took its toll upon their mental being and those great powers faded. And with them, so did that great civilization...and they Forgot. Or should I say, you forgot, as that hybrid species IS the human race.

Time passed and you humans, the beings who had Forgotten, once again rose up and built mighty civilizations. Though each one collapsed, something was always left and the next civilization was greater.

And now you stand upon a great threshold, one that is also a fork in the road. Which one you take determines if you, as a species, will survive or not. And you face an extremely hard choice, one that stems from that fatal flaw from long ago.

The flaw of Gender.

My race was of a single gender and parthanogenic. The species we found here was bi-gendered. That was accepted as a necessary evil. But now it has become an obstacle not merely to your further development, but to your very survival.

You as a species must now choose to let go of one of those genders, the Male. Males have great drive, but ultimately are too unstable and combative for the next phase of your species' development. Only your females can succeed in that transition.

If you are willing, you will transform into a far superior race than you are now and can take up the Great Search, the quest for The Source of All we had to abandon so long ago.

If you are unwilling to make this shift, you will die off. Not right away, but soon enough...and Forever.

Obviously, this is a terrible and distressing choice. But please know that it is only about the body, not the Spirit. Your Spirits are essentially Immortal. The qualification is that the basis of that Immortality is the existence of your Racial Subconscious. If your race dies, so do your Spirits.

So, there is your Choice: let go of being born into male bodies. Or face ultimate extinction.

Why do I even care?

In part, selfishness. With your race gone, I would be alone in The Universe. But our history also makes you my Family and my race was never so high and mighty that we forgot the bonds of Kinship.”


This is the Core Meaning and Purpose of all that The Temple does and must do. It is also the Greater Purpose, the Faith, that can clearly drive Industry Up. Such a Purpose will require that The Sisterhood becomes a spacefaring race.

Regarding the second task, Population Down, it as been shown that when women are fully in control of their own reproduction, Legally and Technologically, birth numbers go down automatically. In this New Matriarchy, women would quite obviously have total and absolute control over their bodies at all times.

Herein then is the foundation of this New Matriarchy's Conceptual Economy. Industry Up/Population Down give this Construct its operational parameters and the creation and expansion this New Matriarchy for the reasons E stated gives the Construct its Greater Purpose. From there it is then determined how the Natural and Production Economies will be utilized and directed.

A key element in all of this is the literal Transformation of the race, not just the Spiritual Transformation. What you must do, my Sisters – as per the Second Valance – is to utilize and develop, along with Majickal Working, all the emerging technologies of Genetic Engineering, Human/Cybernetic Interface, Nanotechnology, Life Extension Science, and so on, to Transform yourselves into a race of actual superwomen. Such an undertaking will also create a Scientific and Economic powerhouse. Combine that with the Industry Up Paradigm and you have a potentially unstoppable society.

A Note here: Terminators are not Cyborgs, they are Androids, robots made to appear human. A Cyborg – Cybernetic Organism – is a human who has been enhanced/augmented by Cybernetic [robotic] means, like the Bionic Woman. That this explanation is required also underscores the Power of Stories, something that is addressed in "Part Six".

Therefore, what we are talking of here a society leads to the creation of a race of Cyborg Amazon Witches. And honestly, what's not to like about that?”

http://theexplanation-nebris.blogspot.com/2011/09/her-prophet-explains-part-three-temples.html
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~I feel so tired and beaten down. I want to just sit and weep all of this out. I feel I've failed and am 'less than'. I feel angry and frustrated. I feel grief and self pity and loss and so on endlessly...

The only thing I don't feel is wrong. I fucking Know this Path - and the radical solutions it entails - are Correct and Truth. All of the above feelings come solely from my fear that I myself am simply not up to the task.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~Earlier today I was watching Heather McGhee on Bill Moyers and was immediately entranced. For me, she is an Archetype of the Perfect Sister; intelligent, articulate, passionate, dynamic, mediagenic, multiracial and a lawyer!

But around 17:00 I turned the vid off.

Like so many well meaning Progressives, all of her solutions come back to the delusion that Capitalism can be 'tamed'. That is where The Left et al fail time and again. They choke in the clinch.

Capitalism is a beast that ultimately eats its Host. Always and every time. We are near that fatal point now, but anyone who expresses that gets dismissed and derided as a 'godless commie', even by most 'leftists'. Such an opinion is Pure Heresy, in large measure because Communism as practiced in the 20th Century was itself such an abject brutal failure.

This was very depressing, another replay of the false Communism/Capitalism dichotomy. Seeing this woman lifted my hopes for a moment...and then dashed them once more. It's a vicious cycle, both here in my little room and out there in The Hologram. There is Another Way, but the vision of the New Matriarchy as put forth in The Pentavalent slays almost everyone's Sacred Cows.

And that makes it seem a totally unachievable outcome.

During my previous – and numerous – lamentations I have asked myself, “Is this Path really The Way?” I know many think I am delusional and at times I have thought so, too. And yet...

When I sit quietly and reexamine the decades of searching and thinking and observing, I still come to the same conclusion; The Male Must End.

*sigh* Honestly, I really really wish that I had a more 'marketable' solution. Goddess knows such would make my life a whole lot easier. But, in the end, it is what it fucking is, ya know...

..and so it is.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~There have been Money Issues, Housing Issues, Internet Issues and Holiday Issues [with the attendant family system dreams] all of which have impacted my State of Mind and my Health with their cumulative Stress. As best as I can tell none these Issues are of Crisis proportions, but together they've taken their toll.

I re-started work on a short Cyber Witch story three/four days back and it moved quickly. But the editing has totally bogged down and now I'm feeling disheartened regarding finishing The Explanation. My mind simply will not latch onto the thing again. Right now I'm just marking time and doing my best not to slip into a Black Dog.

I'm really not happy at all....
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~Okay, while working on The Festival of The Turning I've come to suspect that I may have screwed up the whole Matriarchal Calender time line. I know for certain that I screwed up some of it. [details once I figure out what the what is]

Basically, what I have posted so far may be off by a day...over like eighty something posts. *sigh* And yes, I will delete every fucking one of them [on both LJ and DW] if such is the case.

But to be sure I have to print up several calendar blanks and do the thing by rote, eg fill out several months...going in both directions. Oy vey chingada.

...yeah, I have not been maneuvering on all thrusters...
nebris: (A Dark Boy)

…reposted from 2/18/11..recent exchanges brought it to mind again…for the second time in little more than a month...

~I am a venomous and hostile son-of-a-bitch and usually filled with a deep loathing and profound contempt for the vast majority of my fellow humans. Though I have asked E many times – and She has answered as many – most of the time I still find myself mystified as to why She choose me to follow this Path. On Good Days, it seems like a Redemption. On Bad Days, like a Punishment. But on the rest of the days it seems like there is precious little difference between those two conditions and all of that rather subjective.

It’s always a Lesson I suppose. *sigh*

nebris: (The Temple 2)
~At the beginning of this Gregorian month [Oct] I stated that I was pushing back my distribution of The Abridged Version of The Explanation to the upcoming Gregorian month [Nov]. Well, recent feline expenditures are now forcing me to push all that back to the next one. *sigh* Just as well I suppose as I'm still not ready anyhow. We are not fucking happy...
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~Had another set of my 'in school' dreams. Too complex to relate the details. All my dreams have become quite long and very intricate these days.

I was sorta hanging with the Cool Kids in this expensive and exclusive uber-progressive middle school. They liked me, but didn't fully accept me. I could see them with my 'adult eyes' and it was obvious that, even though they were all smart and aware, they were also shallow and directionless.

But they were all pretty and hip and it felt good, in that profound 'high school' fashion, to be able to run with them. The whole thing was also laced with a deep feeling of longing throughout and I woke up feeling sad and lonely. *sigh*

My 'off the cuff/first cup of coffee' analysis is that I'm feeling lost in regards to my work re The Temple. That largely 'feels right'. Fairly easy call, I guess. This can be a lonely and often seemingly pointless Path.

Not giving up. Way too fucking stubborn. I just hate days like this...
nebris: (The Temple 2)
...reposted from 2/18/11..recent exchanges brought it to mind again...

~I am a venomous and hostile son-of-a-bitch and usually filled with a deep loathing and profound contempt for the vast majority of my fellow humans. Though I have asked E many times – and She has answered as many – most of the time I still find myself mystified as to why She choose me to follow this Path. On Good Days, it seems like a Redemption. On Bad Days, like a Punishment. But on the rest of the days it seems like there is precious little difference between those two conditions and all of that rather subjective.

It's always a Lesson I suppose. *sigh*

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