nebris: (The Temple 2)
neb.ris (neb'ris), n. a fawn skin as worn in Grecian mythology by Dionysus and his followers, and as worn in his honor by his priests and votaries of ancient Greece.
[< L < Gk: fawn-skin; akin to nebros fawn]

"I am not an Atheist. I am not a Pacifist. I am not a Liberal. I am a madman from the desert who has been given the Vision of a Global Amazon Republic founded upon and operated through a Revealed Feminist Spirituality that worships The Goddess in all of Her Aspects and every single day I do something that brings the manifestation of that Vision closer to fruition. That such will mean the end of me and my brothers is of no concern to me as I Know when the time comes we shall all Ride The Wheel back here to live as Sisters among Sisters." ~Michael Varian Daly

"It is no measure of good health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." ~Krishnamurti

"There is no doubt that healthy-mindedness is inadequate as a philosophical doctrine, because the evil facts which it refuses positively to account for are a genuine portion of reality; and they may after all be the best key to life's significance, and possibly the only openers of our eyes to the deeper levels of truth." ~William James

“The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions.” ~Susan Sontag

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." ~Margaret Mead

"Live as though the day were here." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

"The natural superiority of women is a biological fact, and a socially acknowledged reality." ~Ashley Montagu

"Those who wish to achieve things should do so without mercy." ~Chānakya

"Hence it comes about that all armed Prophets have been victorious, and all unarmed Prophets have been destroyed." ~Niccolo Machiavelli

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
nebris: (Default)





nebris: (Nebs Palms)
~It is presently 39° and 17% humidity. This afternoon is will be 79° with humidity in the single digits.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~Started writing a whole...'essay' on the Vegas thing, but I just ran out of stream. I'm pretty depressed because I feel like Collapse is 'speeding up' but The Sisterhood is crawling along and that shit will crash before SH can get far enough along to survive said crash.

This has triggered suicidal ideation, but that is fucking frustrating too because I cannot abandon those who rely upon me. Plus I am also all too well aware of the 'suicide from despair' Karmic Reset Button.

So I whine here again, suck it up some more, sleep it off, etc. and so on....
nebris: (A Guru)


A Utopian society is a dead society. It has reached Perfection and is therefore frozen in place. From there it can only decay as any type of growth would threaten its ‘perfection’.


nebris: (A Manga Thang)
My dreams were upsetting
they taxed my sleep
my soul itself feels tired
and then I wept
over a long dead cat
because I could not,
no matter how hard I tried,
I could not
remember his name...
his name was Romeo
nebris: (Away Team)
"All politics is local." ~'Tip' O'Neill

~Which is why, in the end, democracy fails. Because humans are, as a rule, 'provincial', which is a socio-cultural way of saying that they are primarily concerned with their own immediate sphere of interest, tend to ignore everything outside of that sphere and react with fear/anger whenever the larger sphere impinges. That prevents most humans from thinking 'globally' or even 'nationally'. Now hold that thought...

"Why should I concern myself with how many die? Even the Christian Bible says what is man that God should be mindful of him? For me men are nothing but a brain at one end and a shit factory at the other." ~Aurelio Peccei, founder and first president of the Club of Rome

In 1972 The Club of Rome published a historical document, “The Limits to Growth,” described by Wikipedia as a “book about the computer modeling of unchecked economic and population growth with finite resource supplies.” I remember at the time it generated a lot of speculation and controversy, but for the general population, like so many things before it, it went down The Memory Hole, eclipsed by Watergate and then the Fall of Saigon. [see "All politics is local."]

Aurelio Peccei was one the authors of that report and his sentiments are fairly clear.

“The Limits to Growth,” was also, I have come to believe, a warning to the population of Earth from The Western Financial Elites; “Since you are obviously incapable of controlling your own affairs and managing your own resources, we are going to gather up as much of them as we can lay our hands upon, build ourselves safe havens and let the rest of you drown in your own shit. In fact, we plan to expedite that by making things as bad as possible in order to get this over with as fast as possible.” In other words, a Culling.

I suspect they made that decision not so much because they are evil – though there is certainly some sociopathic reasoning in the mix – but because, seeing that “All politics are local,” they already knew that the solutions required to head off Global Catastrophe would be impossible to implement. Keep in mind that at the time The Cold War was still going strong, America was socioculturally unraveling and China had just wrapped up The Cultural Revolution.

In that context, I really cannot fault the logic, even if I am one of those likely to culled.

I have imagined snippets of conversations such as these, uttered not at secret meetings in darkened rooms, but at bright social gatherings over cocktails:

“Let it all got to hell.”

“They will rebel.”

“We'll make Consumerism ubiquitous and fund their social hatreds.”

“But we cannot control something like that.”

“No, but we can guide it and we can survive it. We'll surf the apocalypse.”

If I were in their position, I'd do much the same thing, though as those of you who know me will understand that my 'grand scheme' is of a somewhat different design. And because of that, while I expect this Culling will more or less succeed, I have my doubts that it will play out at all close to what The Elites hope for.

But the die have been cast and now what shall be, shall be...

Note: I wrote the above a little over four years ago. I'd say that given the recent electoral outcome the wheels may have come off the concept I proposed. Not that I'm saying it was not a valid hypothesis to begin with, but that its potential flaws are now glaringly obvious.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
..from Oct. 26th, 2008 at 10:28 PM, with a slight edit..

..this is a comment I made in a friends LJ..

"I have come to the conclusion that The Great Experiment of Mass Democracy has failed. It has taken me a few decades to be willing to admit such an outcome, but it has been driven home to me over the past half dozen years.

You've known me long enough to be fully aware that Politics to me is like Sports for most American males. I eat, breathe, and sleep the stuff, have done so since I was a kid, and these days I can do that 24/7/365.

But even with that capacity and inclination, modern society and civilization and all of its myriad mechanisms is still too much for even someone like me to keep track of in an effective fashion. The 'average citizen' is then far more lost in, and overwhelmed by, these things, even those who share my inclinations, and there ain't all that many of those.

Joe Bageant's Anonymous Political Consultant said here; “The mastery of the political right over the past thirty years has been primarily to better understand the irrational factors in politics. Conservatives have always understood that when it comes to politics, people rarely act in their rational self-interest but instead on emotion, fears and the perception of their interests.”

Most people do not want to wake up, especially here in The Republic. Too fucking scary. And a fair number of those are in fact constitutionally incapable of waking at all.

Another type of social order is needed. What that new construct might be is now the responsibility of the Aware Individual." ...I ended there, but kept thinking about this...

Participatory democracy does not seem to work when the citizen base gets beyond five or ten thousand. At that point 'political mechanisms' seem to grow almost organically and began to remove the process from the reach of 'the average citizen'. The increase in social complexity creates the Political Specialist. Add Economic and Technological Systems, and 'the average citizen' is finished ...except as a Cipher for Those Who Rule.

However, any discussion of 'qualifying' the Franchise brings howls of rage and, given past performance, rightly so.

But should not the electorate of such a powerful nation as this be required to meet some Standard beyond accident of birth? Should not 'the average citizen' be required to pass something like The Naturalization Test our new citizens must take before being entrusted with a Vote?

It's really not that hard a test...if you have a fucking brain in your head.

Of course, I'm not holding my breath in that matter. But I am pursuing a Course of Action.

In the long term, my own personal belief on where we need to go is to use a version of Heinlein's Federal Service Model as a transition to a society that is some combination of the two cultures Peter Hamilton calls Edenism and Adamism. I suspect we'll get a bit closer to the latter.

The above set of paths are templates I propose for the path of The Sisterhood in this matter. Of course, I know things will shift and change.

One of the most interesting things I've read in the last few years came from William Gibson, Godfather of Cyberpunk. He was amazed that in his very prophetic novel Neuromancer, he had completely overlooked the potential impact of cellphones, totally dropped the ball on the subject.

I take his revelation to heart, both as a writer and as Her Prophet.

For those that dismiss this as mere 'sci-fi thinking', please note you happen to be reading this on The Internet and probably own one of those pesky cellphones, too. Science Fiction is Right Now.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
...I wrote this back on June 22nd, 2012 at around 3am..we had just found a new place to live [where we are now] and were abandoning the old house after months of legal hell..I just came across this and am reposting it is still quite relevant...

~I grew up in an extreme and dysfunctional environment full of emotional violence. I live with the Damage it caused to this very day.

I don't say that as a Victim; I survived it. I state it as a simple fact of who I am, much the same as my height, my gender and my eye color.

I also grew up with Privilege and Money. Combined with my Damage, all that gives me a unique view of the world, a valuable and hard won perspective. And...

...that Damage also makes me very..'jumpy' in situation like the one we're in right now. Our personal prospects are actually pretty good, but we have to wait things out and there is uncertainly and I don't do well with that. Too much imagination in some ways, imagination skewed toward 'negative outcomes'.

This is when I start to doubt myself and my Path - “Who do you think you are?” “You're too damaged to do this work.” “No wonder no-one will follow you.” - and so on. Self examination can be a double edged sword.

I then have to remind myself once more that I am not supposed to be a Leader, but merely a Guide. It is from among you, my Sisters, that our Leaders are to be found, and especially from among those Sisters who will grow up inside The Sisterhood, who will be nurtured and trained to Own their Power and Know their Path from their earliest days.

That is what keeps me going on some of these long empty nights.
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~On August 30th, 2004, I first wrote the words The Temple of The Pentavalent down upon paper. I was living in a shithole Sober Living house off of Centinela Avenue in West LA. But I was doing okay.

The idea had been bubbling in my head for a few years, but was finally clarified after a conversation with She Who Refused* a few days earlier. It was the first time 'this thing of ours' actually got a name, which is why I chose to make it The Sisterhood's Birthday. Plus it is close to my own and therefor can be used to mask Her Prophet's birthday in the future to aid in my fading into the background.

In the past few years we have begun to call this The Sisterhood [or SH for short] instead of The Temple. That more clearly and quickly conveys who and what we are. But The Temple of The Pentavalent is our name for legal purposes.

Now, SH seriously enters into its adolescence. Our First High Priestess is working hard on her part of our growth and will soon leave her teen years behind. And this fat old man is still working upon The Liber and is getting closer to finishing it everyday. Honestly, that is really in sight.

The Sisterhood is a massive undertaking. Some days I think myself insane for even considering it. But our First High Priestess is a Sign of Goddess' Favor in and of herself. So we persevere...

...and so it is.

*that shall for now on be how I refer to my ex-friend who not only refused to accept being FHP, but...well, I shall not speak ill of her anymore...She Who Refused is how she shall be known for now and that is harsh enough...
nebris: (The Temple 2)
A lot of what in spoken of in the Liber Sorores is about an elite of powerful high functioning Sisters. But The Sisterhood cannot forget our wounded and damaged Sisters out on the streets or trapped in destructive relationships or in their own addictions. Most of them will probably never be part of SH per se, but the SH Oath of Initiation says 'to show Love and Compassion with all Sisters’ and that Pledge must be honored.

The original text said, “The Sisterhood will create a network of shelters and housing for women [for non-Temple members and not related to the residences listed above]. This will include at least one large overnight shelter with support facilities, various shelters for battered women, addicted women, and multi-year transitional living programs. We will also get into the permanent housing business, through Section 8 and/or whatever programs are available.”

So the following categories are listed:
Day Time Drop-Ins:
Big Shelters:
Transitional Shelters:
Specialized Shelters:
Permanent Housing:

Day Time Drop-Ins:

“The Sisterhood’s first project is a Women’s Drop-In Center. The drop-in center would be a converted store front or other street level former business space. It would clearly be ‘faith based’ and staffed by members of The Sisterhood trained in its operation. The Center will provide the following:

~a safe place for homeless women to be during the day
~two free meals a day, breakfast and lunch
~a mail drop
~shower and laundry facilities
~a nap room
~references to social services, to mental health and drug counseling [these reference services would also be available to non-homeless women 'in need’], and to transitional housing”

I wrote that over a decade ago. My own time homeless showed me first hand that it is especially hard on women. It can break them far worse than it usually breaks men. And most who end up homeless are usually broken in some way or another by the time they end up 'outside’.

All the usual standards that women are held to by society go out the window when they become homeless. Forget 'looking good'. They're luck if they can stay clean on a regular basis. As time passes, if gets worse. Loss of teeth is high among the homeless and that has an especially profound negative effect upon women.

Plus women are far more physically vulnerable to crime. Rape is common. And often homeless women have to trade sexual favors to get by. Male behavior among the homeless is even worse than in 'normal' society.

So The Sisterhood's solution is to create a network of shelters, from bottom to top, that is Women Only.

Big Shelters:

Those types of shelters are the usual entree point into 'the system' for the homeless. The various social service agencies will the homeless to a Big Shelter to get them off the street at least overnight. Plus Big Shelters provide an additional layer of 'processing' to sort out the type of help each person needs.

The homeless fall into three basic categories; the Economically Distressed, the Addict/Alcoholic, and the Mentally Ill. Obviously, there is often some overlap. But they are usually clearly set into one of three in terms of need. Part of a Big Shelter's job is to properly sort them out and send them on to where they can get the best help.

SH Big Shelters would be Women Only with no Male Children over 10 allowed in the main shelter. There will be a special annex for Male Children 11-14 next to the main shelter with a male staff made up of Korettes, a mini shelter effectively.

The Main Shelter will have between 300 and 500 beds depending upon the size of the building acquired. The women with children will have their own delineated sleeping area.

The Shelter would begin processing intake late afternoon and serve a dinner meal around 7pm. The showers would be open until lights out around 10pm. Wake up would be around 5am, with breakfast around 6am. Exiting would be complete by 9am. That is all fairly standard.

in process...forever it seems

Part Five: “Building a New Matriarchy – Tactical Initiatives”
nebris: (Nebs Palms)
~It is presently 107° and 9% humidity. What more is there to say?
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~It is fairly certain that unless humans become a space-faring species, we shall go extinct and very possibly in the not too distant future. See Stephen J. Hawking. Elon Musk, et al

~Baseline Humans [that’s me and thee, folks] do not do well in space. Not at all. Tends to break our bodies down quite rapidly.

~Only deeply modified Humans, both Genetic and Cybernetic mods, have a real chance to survive and prosper in space.

So, it is pretty much go Transhuman or go Extinct. I know which future has my support.
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~I downloaded two old Rod Taylor movies, The Time Machine and Seven Seas to Calais. I realized after I'd done so that I'd first seen both of them at summer camp back in the early Sixties. And I thought about how long ago that was and that my sixty fifth birthday is only a week away and I got very sad.

I should be grateful. I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a nice bed, high speed Internet, and kitties and Le-Le to keep me company.

And these are my feelings right now...which I was going to expound upon in detail, but once I got to this point, such seemed very tiresome and rather too indulgent....
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~I have said many times over the years that Adolf Hitler is “the most important Spiritual Teacher of the 20th Century”, a statement which left upon its on will obviously bring all manner of screaming and gnashing of teeth. But bear me if you will. Also please keep in mind that everything I speak of relates to the building of The Sisterhood.

I could go on and on about how all the 'Great Men' who were his contemporaries have turned out to be not so great. Churchill was a racist and Imperialist to the bone. FDR put American citizens in concentration camps simply because of their race. Gandhi was both racist and misogynist to extreme degrees. Eisenhower is about the only one who gets off with a fairly clean bill of moral health.

But this is not about 'rehabilitating' Hitler. This about looking at what he Taught us. I will make this brief and mention only his one single overarching Lesson out of all his Lessons, nearly everyone of which was Dark and Harsh. Note that those are usually the Most Profound Lessons, the ones where you, The Student, get the living shit kicked out of you. Such has always been my experience.


The Most Important Lesson that Adolf Hitler taught us is this: he showed us in great detail and with no filters exactly what a genuinely Masculinist Modern State would look and act like.

Let me say that again....

The Most Important Lesson that Adolf Hitler taught us is this: he showed us in great detail and with no filters exactly what a genuinely Masculinist Modern State would look and act like.

The Third Reich was veritably steeped in testosterone, to the point of being quite homoerotic. Its ideology and imagery scream Male Power. Google 'Third Reich' images and that will jump out at you. Nazi Germany shows what happens when a pure Masculine Ideology gains total power. For The Sisterhood, there can be no more Important Spiritual Lesson, that when The Male gains Total Power, Terror Reigns, hundreds of cities burn and tens of millions die.

And I will leave that there for y'all to contemplate.....
nebris: (The Temple 2)
~Eva, First High Priestess of The Sisterhood of The Pentavalent, had slept restlessly. Since her spine had been repaired, she could sleep on her side again, though her breasts would always be too big for her to sleep on her belly. She had tossed and turned for hours, drifting in and out. Anca and Chrissy, the two of her Wives sharing the Big Bed tonight, a double California King, had moved over earlier.

Around 2am, she gave up, got out of bed, put on an ivory colored silk robe. Two pretty young men, her Body Servants who slept at the foot of the bed, came to alertness, looked up expectantly. They both wore Collars with The Sisterhood's Sigil at the throat. Eva smiled and put a finger to her lips. They nodded, smiled sleepily, lay down again. She regarded her soundly sleeping Wives with an soft envious smile, then went out on the Master Bedroom's balcony.

It was a cool spring evening in SoCal. The Mansion's sprawling vastness sat atop a large hill up in the canyons of Beverly Hills, which provided Eva with a panoramic view of Century City. Fog shrouded half of Los Angeles. She took in a deep breath of the moist night air.

Though is was the middle of the night, The Mansion, being an SH/HQ, was still busy. Laundry being done, food being prepared, equipment being maintained, and down below, business being conducted. She did her best to put that all out of her mind.

Eva stood there standing in the dark for about a half an hour. Part of her regretted she didn't smoke any more. Then she went into her private office and checked SH's internal comnet to see if Nebris was awake up in the High Desert Karaal. It being the middle of night, of course he was.

He grinned at her from the monitor. “Can't sleep, Your Grace?”

She knew he was teasing her by using the Formal Address and bared her teeth at him. “Smart ass,” she said.

He laughed. “You know why, babe. Go check up on her.”

“Yes,” she sighed. “You know me too well.”

He blew her a kiss. “That's why you keep me around.”

She blew a kiss back at him, logged off, left the office, headed for her personal elevator. Once inside, she pressed 'B2'.

Below The Mansion was an extensive underground complex, all built in secret. Beverly Hills rested upon bedrock so earthquakes didn't have the same impact there as the rest of LA.

Basement One was garage with separate vehicle elevator, plus several ramps leading to garages of SH owned 'family' homes surrounding The Mansion which were also defensive strong points. The Sisters used those when they needed to come and go in secret, which was fairly often.

Basement Three was a vast storage space full of supplies and connected the Basement Three Annex, which held a Thorium Reactor with massive two water cisterns on either side. That reactor could power The Mansion for twenty years without refueling. The cisterns and the Mansion's recycling system could provide water for over a year.

Eva had a tour of that level just once and had Bunker nightmares for days.

Basement Two was SH's operational center with offices and a large server farm. The ceilings were a little over 300 centimeters, painted with pastels, with soft lighting so as to ease claustrophobia. Eva had made sure of that.

The elevator opened onto small foyer with landscape murals. To the right was a large office area with dozens of bubble shaped 'cubicles'. There was always activity as SH ran various global operations from here.

To the left the wall continued, with several doors to private offices. About half were with open with their lights on. Down at the end were a pair of double doors. That was Eva's destination.

As she walked toward those doors, she heard all the activity taking place; many languages being spoken, laughter, music playing, a few angry conversations, some of the cubicles had their curtains drawn. All of those Sisters ignored her.

The Sisters in the offices nodded their heads formally as she walked past, then continued with their work. Eva gave each one a small nod of acknowledgment in return.

She reached the double doors and dramatically threw them open to reveal...a large cafeteria.

About a dozen or so Sisters are clustered here and there in small groups talking, or singly, eating and reading. As Eva came through the doors they all stopped and begin to rise. But she smiled and waved them to sit, then proceeded to the food counter. It is classic cafeteria, having a glass front displaying everything from hot food to desserts.

Behind the counter a short slim man stepped up. He was in his 40's, had a shaved head covered by a classic white paper 'server's hat' and a Collar with the SH Sigil at the throat. He wore the white uniform of a food worker, which also had the SH Sigil on its breast. He bowed and then smiled knowingly at Eva. “How may I be of Service, Your Grace?”

Eva grinned. “Black Forest cake.”

“Always, Your Grace,” he said with a happy chirp.

“With a glass of milk,” Eva said. “But first I must attended to something.”

“I Serve at your pleasure, Mistress,” he said and bowed deeply.

She turned, headed toward a heavy door on the other side of the cafeteria.


The room was large, quiet, dimly lit, full of conventional cubicles, each with a very large monitor. Half of them were occupied, each Sister attending watching the monitor closely, occasionally speaking softly into her headset mic.

Eva walked directly to one of the cubicles. Sitting there was Gemma, a cute redhead with freckles. She wore flip-flops, dark sweats and a black sport shirt with the SH Sigil above the pocket.

She acknowledged Eva with a nod, but remained focused upon the monitor.

“How is she doing?” Eva asked softly.

Gemma out her hand over the mic. “She's just finished, Your Grace,” she said just as softly, her English accent quite distinct.

The monitor showed a four way split screen of a luxury hotel room. On the bed lay an older man face down. If not for the steady rise and fall of his chest, he'd appear dead.

Sitting naked at the vanity was a petite young brunette brushing her hair. She had a number of welts across her back. The closeup frame of her pretty heart shaped face showed large wide eyes, a strong nose and a mouth set in an insolent smirk.

“She took him to town, Your Grace,” Gemma said with a grin.

Eva smiled back at her. “Dear Em.”

She'd been worried. This was the first time Em had been back in the field in eighteen months. And she was still nursing her first Daughter, though that did make her tits very ripe.

“Her driver is waiting downstairs,” said Gemma. “I'll let you know when she's away.”

“Thank you, Gemma,” Eva said with a gentle smile.

Gemma dipped her head. “I live to Serve, Your Grace.”

“Your Service is Blessed, my Sister,” Eva replied.


Eva sat in the cafeteria with a small group of Sisters. One of them was describing the odd habits of a particular Daddy. The Counterman came up, placed a slice of Black Forest cake and a glass of milk in front of Eva, bowed deeply, then withdrew.

The Sister telling the story looked at Eva and the cake. Eva grinned. “Go right ahead. Remember, I'm an old hand in the Sugar Bowl,” she said, then shoved a forkful of cake in her mouth.

The Sisters all nodded, grinned, and the tale teller continued on...


Aug. 10th, 2017 09:29 am
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~It's been fucking hot for nearly two months straight. So the fans and the swamp cooler have been going pretty much non-stop. This past week I have been feeling like shit, neck and shoulders aching and my stomach sour.

I was sitting here a few hours ago and I realized it is all the fucking noise that is making me sick. It was cool enough, so I turned off everything except my little floor fan. And almost immediately I began to feel better. My body loosened up and I relaxed. /deep sigh

I have turn it all on again soon. The sun is up and we're looking at 102° again today. But I have gotten some relief and will turn these things off whenever I can....
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
~My old friend just called and told me that my ex-fiancee Wendy is dead. He'd been leaving FB messages saying he had news about her for a few days. So I said mean things about her in FB Messenger as I've been in my own shit aka 'I hate my birthday' and maybe our oldest kitty Icarus, nearly 18 y/o, is getting ready to 'pass over'. *sigh*

I'm still a moody asshole most days...

Thing is, she'd never dealt with her main issue, being molested by her older brother from 8 to 12 y/o. She told me when we were engaged, back in 1979/80 when she was 18/19 and I was 27/28. I confronted him and he fessed up. Told their father too, who I was good friends with. Richard still hates me for that.

But she never got counseling and remained in relationship with him.

Richard is a Sai Baba devotee [another child rapist] and got her all caught up with him. He's always been a self righteous narcissistic asshole and he was trying to get her to 'pray it away' without him having to confront his own guilt and culpability.

And when her marriage crashed a few years back, she gained weight [she'd been a dancer and yogi and always tall and lean] and started drinking heavily, plus prescription drugs too. Three weeks ago she was found face down in her apartment by her brother and daughter. As a long time 12 Stepper, I know the signs of Long Form Suicide.

Two years ago I had thought of reaching out to Wendy. But then Eva showed up and my old friend told me that she and Richard were going off to India to Baba's joint, so I shelved that idea. I knew such was probably hopeless and I had to look toward the future and The Sisterhood.

I did cry a bit, but she behaved badly with me a decade after our engagement ended. I still cared for her and she was planning to use me as a 'last fling' before she married the guy who would divorce her. And she pretty much shoved that in my face. We never spoke again.

So she broke my heart twice. I suppose I cry some more later, though maybe more for my 'lost youth' than Wendy. And yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but I'm a fucking Guru and Harsh Truths are our stock and trade.

And so it is...

Goddess Bless you, Wendy, and may She speed you Upon The Wheel. I Pray your next Life is happier.


nebris: (Default)
The Divine Mr. M

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