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Jun. 28th, 2017 08:02 pm
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
~I really miss writing in restaurants. I've done some of my best work there. But I have been too broke to do that for years now and that has taken its toll on my creative process.

I've been working on the Liber for-fucking-ever. [Well, seven years and change] I just wrote like a hundred words the Women's Shelters section earlier and then it felt like I was moving through glue and I ground to a halt. I started to terribly miss my old haunt, the Norm's on Lincoln and Colorado in Santa Monica. It's gone now though, replaced by a hipster burger joint.

But even if I could just drive down to the Denny's in Lancaster at around 1 or 2 in the morning on a regular basis I'd be grateful...and far more productive. *sigh*

I'm supposed to mutter something both witty and cynical here, but I have nothing....
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~Emotionally, I'm all over the map, though my baseline is 'okay'. Been a month since my father's death. Feels like a year. I didn't get depressed over my birthday this year, but that might be because my father's death muddied those waters. I did cry over Martin Milner's death. Maybe something about the 'death of my youth'. Dunno. Again, muddied waters.

I've been writing fairly consistently, though not in great volume, maybe two/three hundred words a day, on my novella for Part Seven – “One Possible Future”. I've posted much of that text there already if any of you are interested.

I'm also waiting on my Writer's Blues, the window when I crash after Facing The Page for any length of time. Be nice if those waters got muddied as well....

...end transmission.
nebris: (Nebs Stars [for CU Posts])
~Last September I wrote an 'epitaph' for my Colonial Union fan-fic novel, the one based upon John Scalzi's “Old Man's War” universe. However, now that I have read the sixth volume in that series, I'm ready to resurrect the thing.

Said sixth volume, “The End Of All Things” is certainly just as good as the preceding five books and I cannot fault it as such. Scalzi is, as ever, 'on his game'. And yet, I am...unsatisfied.

Of course, this can be dismissed as some form of 'sour grapes'. I had my own vision of his universe and obviously he would have his own – his bloody work after all – and that should, by right, superseded anything I come up with.

However...what left me unsatisfied was that it all felt...overoptimistic, all wrapping up a little too neatly. I understand that. We live in a time of profound pessimism, most of it totally justified, not that such makes it any easier to deal with. And Scalzi has produced six books and a number of free standing short stories on the subject, so I could see wanting to go all Reichenbach Falls with it, though in reverse.

Fair enough. And I personally do not have to accept that. My vision of the thing has clearly not let go of me. It has its own level of Optimism, but the process takes quite a bit longer and there is a good deal more blood and fire.

So, I shall keep chipping away at it. Won't earn me a penny, but I suspect it will feel like taking a wonderful shit. And that is something that money cannot buy.
nebris: (A Proper General)
Jul. 4th, 2013 at 9:42 PM

Merle was a good man. Worked hard. Made a decent living. Never raised his voice or his hand to his wife or kids. Went to church most Sundays. Helped out his neighbors when he could.

Every Fourth of July, he would put on an old pair of combat boots, climb into the bathtub fully clothed and get stinking drunk. He didn’t get out for anything, so he’d end up pissing and shitting himself. He remained dead silent the entire night.

He’d spent ten months in Europe fighting the Germans. He’d had more than enough of things blowing up. Terry, his wife, left him alone until morning, when she’d help him get undressed. He’d mumble, “You’re a good woman,” a few times. She’d take his clothes downstairs and soak them. He’d take a long scalding hot shower.

Merle would then come down for breakfast. Terry would make his favorite; wet scrambled eggs, sausages, country potatoes and biscuits. Those mornings, instead of using cream, he’d take his coffee black with lots of sugar. Then he’d sit on the porch, have a cigarette, seemingly quite calm. He’d smile and wave at the neighbors as they passed.

Merle never talked about this. No one else did either, not until after Merle was dead and then only in a very soft voice, as if he was still up there, getting plastered in the bathtub.
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~Writing makes me crazy. My moods flail all over the place. This is why I have such trouble with it.

I woke up yesterday morning, tapped out about a hundred words and had to stop because I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. And I hadn't even had any coffee yet.

A few days ago I had this dream, very vivid and detailed, a mashup of “Breakfast At Tiffany's” and “Taxi Driver” and I woke up in tears. I was a mess for half a day, weeping at things like a Netflix doc on Johnny Carson. I was exhausted by the time I crashed back into bed.

That's why my Romantic Obsessions were such a useful tool. They electrified me and focused my insanity outward, all while driving me to The Page. But the toll such takes upon me would very probably kill me at this point....

...and The Page awaits.

[156 words]
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~So, I'm in pain. My anus is inflamed from some 'bad shitting' a few days ago – something I ate – and it fucking hurts. Been rimming myself with a Tea Tree Oil cream, which is helping a bit. But when I gotta go...well, you know.

I also have a small but razor sharp shard of broken tooth floating in my gum. I'm seriously thinking of digging out some needle nose pliers and have Le-Le yank the fucker out. That'll fucking hurt, but the healing would be able to start. Right now it just keeps cutting the flesh.

However, my head seems to be improving. I'm writing again and I'm slowly getting over my lingering Holiday Depression, which was compounded this year by the collapse of my WW2 Alt-History novel late in November. It'd been cooking hot since mid August, but I just ran out of steam. The annual onset of the aforementioned Holiday Depression was no doubt a contributing factor.

I usually come of of said Holiday Depression by mid February, but it was prolonged this year by the GOP House fuckery regarding Disability money. Those fucking cunts all need to be ass raped with meat-hooks and their naked corpses displayed on Capital Hill.

Anyway...

This novel is a Sisterhood Space Opera and has already passed one test. I got badly distracted with the SSI money and dead fridge bullshit at the beginning of this month and I've been able to come back to it with a goodly amount of enthusiasm.

I suspect that is because this work is very much in line with my Path and that has a vast amount of stored up energy and a huge backlog of material. I'm drawing from both the 'up dated' Far Future stories and The Tales of the Vēkkan Cults. This also means I can contemplate The Explanation while working on this novel without being distracted because they all work toward the goal of the New Matriarchy. [that's the Her Prophet Speaks/Nebs Writes part of this mashup]

~The above was written around 6ish this am. The pain has receded with the help of drugs. I went off to the store to grab a few things. My sense of time is distorted. It 'feels' like mid afternoon, but it's not even 11am as I type this. Oh well...

...and there you have it.
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~I've been banging this around in my head for a few days, but I really need to place it on paper because my head is a maelstrom at the best of times. Not always in a bad way. It's just a very very busy place and shit gets lost in the often times violently shifting winds and tides.

So, The Novel[s]. It is a work of Epic Military Science Fiction and it gets me very excited. Of course, being a fucking moody bitch, I go Up and Down rather precipitously, hence my bleak 'note of despair' the other day.

I started off with the thing on a very high note, so high that crashing was foreordained. The Structure and Narrative became quite clear quite quickly, so quickly that I got thoroughly swept away by the thing and buzzed for about a month before the first crash hit me. But even then the above carried me along.

It was not until I ran up against the Basic Nature of the thing that I truly and badly fell back to Earth.

As I say above, this is a work of Epic Military Science Fiction. Let us break down what that actually means:

Epic: it has a grand cast of characters and will comprise [at least] three volumes when finished.

Military: it requires careful attention to the details of Weapons, Tactics, Intelligence and Opposing Forces regarding operations in both the Pacific and European Theaters and on the Home Front.

Science Fiction: the 'science' needs to be believable and to appear workable.

Now many authors can and do blithely skip over all of that. I'm not one of them. Way too OCD, Perfectionist and nit-picky for that...which is what caused me to crash so hard this last time; the reality of The Details.

I'm fine with The Details as long I remember that is all they are. Even the Great Wall of China is made up of single bricks and this sucker ain't that big.

So, I get to work on summoning and fleshing out the vast supporting cast, plan the focus and logistics of the operations – battle scenes are a piece of cake for me – and suss out the details of the 'science'. I'm fully capable of doing all that; have already started. I simply need to remind myself that that is what I'm doing and fucking breath.

And that's the name of that tune....
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~Really, it seems as if I cannot write anything 'simple'. Everything I come up with has to be Epic and Massive. Every idea I ever have is like the bastard offspring of something Tolstoy and Heinlein came up with while getting shitfaced...and then L. Ron Hubbard does the actual writing. [I DO wish I could write as relentlessly as he did however]

I am just constitutionally incapable of 'nice little tales' with 'ordinary people'. No Great American Novel for me, I guess. Oh well...not that I'm actually complaining. Fuck the Great American Novel right up its tight Protestant ass.

Now I am sticking with my plan; noodle and noodle and noodle and noodle until I have enough structure and backstory to Get Down To Real Writing, ya know, chapters an ' shit. The clipboards with the legal pads are out and being worked, so you know I'm Fucking Serious.

But 'noodling' is a lot of fun, truth be told. I love to play around in these worlds of mine. Usually better than TV and a perfect way to avoid the ongoing nightmare of Life on Earth most of the time. And it's World War Two. I fucking love World War Two!

So, scribble, scribble...
nebris: (Nebs Stars [for CU Posts])
~As I stated yesterday, I posted the text and notes of the unfinished chapters of Part One. I thought I should also post a few thoughts upon the fate of 'Heavens'. You'll see I was still at by mid August, but by this time last year I'd ground to a halt. The combination of my Writer's Blues and the profound grief I was feeling because of Icarus' tumor and George's refusal to come back inside had quite thoroughly overwhelmed me by then.

I'm very happy with the work I did. I'm one of those seemingly rare writers who actually likes his own writing. Sure, I agonize over it and so on, but I'm almost always happy with the final product and enjoy re-reading. I suppose that makes me a 'hack'. Well, then; I'm a fucking hack.

Thing is, I really do not give a fuck about Great Literature. I have found most of such tedious and wearisome. Maybe that makes me shallow. Well, fuck that too. I write to enjoy myself, not to suffer and I read for the same reason. Yes, I enjoy being Moved and Enlightened and so on by writing, but that's always Gravy in my book.

When I pick up a fiction book – or read it on my monitor – I want to be 'taken away'. If I can get anything else out that experience, I'm pleased, but such is not one of my requirements. Loving the characters is a requirement and being Enthralled as well. But beyond that...well, whatever.

I don't know if I'll ever come back to 'Heaven's. I have so very many of my own projects to attend to I suppose it's doubtful. And Scalzi is writing his next volume of the Colonial Union Saga, so the actual author is going to supersede the thing.

So, for now, let us consider this post to be Closure and move on...

...and there you have it.

Click here to read "The Heavens Redeemed"
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~For me the most difficult aspect of writing is not coming up with ideas, etc. I've lived nearly all of my life since childhood in one type of fantasy world or another, so can pull concepts, plots and characters out of my hat all day. [I said 'hat' to be polite]

No, for me the most difficult aspect of writing is my mood swings when I'm truly In Process. That is how I can tell if I'm just fooling around or really doing the do. If I'm chill, it's the former. But when I start to have Manic Highs and Depressive Lows, I'm actually At Work. *sigh*

I just got a good dose of the latter a little while ago. I was buzzing this morning, having some quite useful revelations about how to most effectively work my Process, which I'll get to shortly.

But barely a half an hour after getting up form an admittedly poor nap, reading items on my FB Wall, I just...'crashed', hopelessness washing over me. And yes, I do take my Happy Pills, but they only work so far.

This isn't being Bi-Polar. It's just good old fashion Manic-Depressive ideation. It only becomes an issue when I don't catch it and recognize it for what it is; my Writer's Blues. *deep breath*

Okay, what I realized this morning came to me as the result of posting the rest of the text and notes of the unfinished chapters of my Fan-Fic novel. The revelation was that what had made writing those chapters so much fun was that, as I say in the intro, someone else had done all the heavy lifting of world building and backstory all I had to do was play there, and that therefore what I should do with my own new novel is simply play with 'all the heavy lifting of world building and backstory' until it was fleshed out enough to get down to the Serious Writing, you know, chapters and dialog and all that good shit.

Obviously, this is not even close to being an original discovery. Hell, even I knew this already...but this morning it hit me on a visceral level, which is where such things truly count. Now, my task is to remember that while I surf my mood swings.

There was a bunch more I had to say, but now I feel better, so I'll let it lay. [a cup of coffee etc helped too]


..I know it's trouble when I start to unconsciously rhyme..

Nebs Writes

Sep. 7th, 2014 03:26 pm
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
~This post is something of a Random/Her Prophet Speaks mashup because of the various elements involved.

We're once again in the process of restructuring our household finances to take some pressure off of ourselves, though I'm the one who seems to internalize that pressure the most...which then kills my writing.

Some of that pressure has already abated and my writing reemerged almost immediately. The form it has taken is a World War Two Sci-Fi novel, which is a double winner for yours truly. The events also make it Alt-History, but that is secondary.

Last summer I had a burst of writing that proved to me on a visceral level that I can in fact write 'novelistically'. That such was cut short by Buckethead's foot tumor is besides the point, though just as well as the work was Fan-Fic and therefore not marketable.

This baby is all mine, derivative though it may be. But it's also highly stealable, so I can't say anything about it publicly. Just believe when I say it's 'crafty' and it blowed up real good.

I'm doing my best to keep momentum going with this baby without burning myself out. Keeping it fun helps. However, the moodiness that comes with Creative Writing for me has already manifested itself, but that lets me know I'm on the right track.

This has also allowed me to look at The Explanation with something other than despair. Plus yesterday's big BIG rant was also a Good Sign. Now if I could just afford my favorite writing paradigm – sitting in coffee shops and greasy spoons to write – I'd be in Hog Heaven. But one thing at a time.

Regarding The Explanation, a Sister said a few months back that I should just focus on writing the thing and forget about Recruiting for now. I already knew that, but the reminder was salubrious.

What you, my Sisters, could do in the meantime that would expedite that process is to make Supportive Noises about the Work. One of you did just that on my Facebook Wall today and I cannot truly express how good that felt. More please...

..and that's the name of that tune.
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
Random: Now that the Teaturd Shitweasels have been driven back we can relax about getting our cheques..for the next three months. Fuck knows what kind of shit they'll pull come mid-January when this 'deal' expires. But I can feel the stress start to leave my body.


Been sleeping a lot and taking all manner of drugs and my back is improving, though it's still pretty fucked. I'll see what they have to say about all this up at Rural Health.


Kitteh Nooz: The Big Stupid Foot is looking pretty fucking ugly. He can't walk on it anymore. *sigh* Now that the Default bullshit is over we have to refocus on dealing with poor ol' Buckethead. We need to work up some manner of post-op payment plan...if, of course, his x-rays are clear.


Nebs Writes: I've been doing a lot of 'skull work' on the first chapter of this novel. Because I'm world building from an existing indigenous culture, detail is important. I can now spend a few bucks to get the bilingual dictionary I need. It's an obscure language, so I couldn't find one at the library.


..and that pretty much covers it.

Nebs Writes

Oct. 9th, 2013 10:19 am
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~As this novel I'm working on now is my own creation, I've been going slowly, doing my world building and laying out the framework of where I want it to go. I'm taking my time. I have no real deadline. If it takes a year or two, that is fine. [oh dear, I'm rhyming]

And I think that is all I shall say at the moment...
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~I did a little bit of work on Chapter Three just so I could live with myself...

Nebs Sez

Aug. 27th, 2013 08:34 am
nebris: (A Guru)
"Read all the Rules of Writing. Studying them thoroughly. Learn them well. Then, when you finally sit down to write, toss them all out the window and write what and how you please."
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~As a writer it behooves me to acknowledge the one and twenty third birthday of H.P. Lovecraft and the passing of Elmore Leonard. That the latter died upon the former's birthday is a matter I'll leave to the ages.

I on the other hand am still alive and still writing. And I am the most important person in my life after all. A seemingly harsh and egotistical observation, but then the truth usually ain't pretty.

Anyway, the photo below got me thinking again about using my writing to escape from SSI.

German infantry under cover of a StuG III while fighting at ‪Stalingrad‬ in November, 1942.


Looking at that Sturmgeschütz triggering my fetish with designing armored vehicles, which in turn had me replaying a scene from my projected Second Great Global War series in my The Anglo-American Imperium universe. That series would run to around ten volumes.

In addition, here is my Tales of the Vēkkan Cults series, which is also good for many volumes. And I have bits and bobs floating around as well, including the novel that is 'shadowing' my Colonial Union fanfic novel. That puppy is the first of a trilogy which is already outlined.

The point here is this. I have been reading up on self publishing for a while and though there are many different approaches, one thing seems to be crucial: the on-line author needs a large number of titles available. It works like this. Someone reads something of yours and likes it. If you have many tiles, they'll most likely go ahead and buy one of those. If they like that - which is probable - they'll repeat the process. And that's how sales multiple.

Sure, this will take years. But it's not like I have anything better to do...and my Muse seems to have returned and I have embraced Her fully.

And so it is....
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~While having coffee this morning I completed Chapter One. I had already proofed it a few times and did a few more once overs. I suspect I'll tweak of a few more times, but it's now ready for public consumption. So...

...here is some Cover Art.

...and an Introduction.

...and the First Chapter.

...and the Second Chapter.

Those two come out together at over 13,000 words so I expect this thing is gonna be 'hefty' given that I've got twenty one more chapters outlined. I'll post them in their proper order as they are completed. For example, finished Chapter Two a few weeks ago, but didn't post it until now because Chapter One wasn't done.

I suppose maybe one chapter a month, more or less. Anyway, have fun.

PS Here is an overview of the first section

Nebs Writes

Aug. 6th, 2013 03:55 pm
nebris: (A Manga Thang)
~After those few days in The Pit, I came back and started making notes again, then quickly progressed to actual writing. Still plenty of note making mixed in with that process of course. I'm feeling like after all these fucking years I've finally figured out how to get myself to write a novel.

I'm two-thirds done with the first chapter. I finished the second chapter and have re-write notes on that. I have entire sections from a dozen or more chapters written and the whole damned thing is fully structured and outlined. Yeah, I'm jumping all over the place but it seems that's just how I roll and I'm not going to fight it.

When that first chapter is done I'll post it. The second should follow soon after. As a teaser, I just made the introduction public.

I suspect it'll be a good year or so before this thing is finished. But I also have an original novel of my own 'shadowing' this one, e.g. Outlining and Note Making. And that one is pretty insane and off-the-hook even for me. Stay tuned...
nebris: (Nebs Stars [for CU Posts])


..by the legendary John Berkey..which maintains the overall theme..

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The Divine Mr. M

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