I am a fucking wreck....

[nebris]

~A few weeks back Le-Le started having a bad MS exacerbation, the worst in the dozen years we've been together. By last week, the entire left side of her body was numb and we went to the ER. That took five hours and she got a heavy steroid shot and a script for steroid tablets.

She seemed to get better, said she 'could feel her usually aches and pains again'. But she has been very wobbly tho making some kind of recovery.

But tonight she was not feeling well...and I'm fucking scared. We really cannot survive without each other. That is not an 'emotional statement'. She needs me to take care of much of the physical stuff she no longer can do. And I do not get enough money to survive without her income.

If I lose her, not only will I be alone, I will be homeless within a month. I'd have to re-home some of our cats and put the rest to sleep. And I doubt I could survive another bout of homeless. Things out there are a lot tougher than they were sixteen years ago and I'm just too fucking old for that shit anymore.

You see where this is going...and why I'm a fucking wreck.

I've tried to pray, but my Faith feels...empty. Maybe y'all could pray for me instead....