Her Prophet Speaks
Sep. 9th, 2018 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nebris~The last six months were brutal. March and April Le-Le was in and out of hospital with a serious MS exacerbation. Just when I was recovering from dealing with that terror, we had to put up with this fucking idiot house painter banging on the outside of the house for two weeks. Seriously triggered my PTSD. I did not really 'come back' after that. Been a wreck ever since, feeling old af.
Heat Hell end of June and all through July. Le-Le scraped some dough from one of the credit cards and got me a standing A/C, which has saved my ass...
...and then came August, the month I dread. My birthday, which I hate because of all the PTSD around it [my fam was fucking abusive and insane] and a milestone showing how I am a failure. Add to that The Sisterhood's anniversary [fourteen years on the 30th] another milestone showing how I am a failure. Plus now the anniversary of my father's death [the 8th] and the overdose death of Wendy, my ex fiance. /sigh
Oh yes, August is also when I starting working on the Liber. Back in 2008. Ten Fucking Years...and still stuck. Been stuck for the past two years. More or less. Did some work, but I'm like a fifth away from finishing it and can't seem to get past that mark.
I think part of me is afraid I'll die once it's done. Or worse, nothing at all will happen. I'll finish, self publish...and it will just fucking lay there like a dead fish. /sighX2
...and so I rant/whine. Can't seem to do anything else in this regard.
There ya have it... /bored with my...self pity?...stuckness?...lack of discipline/focus? feh
Heat Hell end of June and all through July. Le-Le scraped some dough from one of the credit cards and got me a standing A/C, which has saved my ass...
...and then came August, the month I dread. My birthday, which I hate because of all the PTSD around it [my fam was fucking abusive and insane] and a milestone showing how I am a failure. Add to that The Sisterhood's anniversary [fourteen years on the 30th] another milestone showing how I am a failure. Plus now the anniversary of my father's death [the 8th] and the overdose death of Wendy, my ex fiance. /sigh
Oh yes, August is also when I starting working on the Liber. Back in 2008. Ten Fucking Years...and still stuck. Been stuck for the past two years. More or less. Did some work, but I'm like a fifth away from finishing it and can't seem to get past that mark.
I think part of me is afraid I'll die once it's done. Or worse, nothing at all will happen. I'll finish, self publish...and it will just fucking lay there like a dead fish. /sighX2
...and so I rant/whine. Can't seem to do anything else in this regard.
There ya have it... /bored with my...self pity?...stuckness?...lack of discipline/focus? feh
