Mystery (9/17/94)

[nebris]

[for Gretchen]

So, what do I know?
I know how to stand solitary
under a bright misty moon,
with an emptiness that crushes
and tears streaming down my face.
I know how to look up
at that full round orb,
and wonder about
this one,
or that one.
Is she looking at it as well?
And is she alone,
or is a lover by her side?
I know how to "just be friends",
how to be loving and supportive,
how to listen with true understanding,
as she,
whichever 'she' it happens to be this time,
as she bares her soul to me
about the husbandloverboyfriendgirlfriend,
past, present, or future,
how then are there, or not there,
attentive, or absent,
how the disposable boys make them cum,
but the great guys can't.
I know how to want women
who just aren't fucking there.
"I like you, but..."
I know how to hurt,
and hurt,
and hurt,
and hurt,
'til I can't even speak their names.
I know how to cut out a piece of my heart,
and walk away forever.
I know how to survive,
wishing that I knew how to die.