Today is 23rd Sestia, 12AS...a Taraday

"Taraday is The Third Day. Tara is both a Hindu Goddess and Buddhist Saint. The Hindu Tara is an Aspect of Kali. The Buddhist Tara reincarnates only as a woman. She is chosen because She symbolizes 'the End that is not the End'."

Addendum D [Calendar for A New Matriarchy]

Random

~When I got up around 8pm I took a shit. It was the first solid shit I'd taken since at least 2am Thursday. It's not that I had diarrhea pre se, just that my shit ranged in texture and exiting from runny pudding casually plopping out to pure liquid spraying as from a soda fountain. Nasty to be sure, but En Excreta Veritas, eh?

Anyway, I took this change of texture to be a good sign, one meaning that I'm finally recovering.

I'm still obsessing of course, though now about finding a rental.

That is at the core of my issues, my Disability, my Damage. I have a vivid imagination and a negative attitude. This tends to equal Depression, PTSD, OCD and a whole host of other delightful conditions.

And yes, this all stems from my insane childhood. One depressive alcoholic mother, one control freak ragaholic step-father. That they are both charming and brilliant and attractive simply makes matters worse as how could such lovely people really be that fucking abusive.

The two key elements of that abuse were One: I never knew when shit would hit the fan and Two: whatever I loved or valued would always be taken away. And this in the midst of a lot of money. [step-father made his first million dollars in 1961]

Yeah, yeah, poor me. 'Get over it'. 'Plenty of others had it worse'. Etc. for those thinking all that, trust me, that type of thinking is also abusive. Like telling someone who just had a pet die, “What are you crying about? I just lost my mother,” as if there is some value hierarchy of pain.

All that is pure shaming and is telling that person that their feelings do not really matter simply because there is greater pain in the world. That breeds mental illness and is a Spiritual Crime.

I say this with such vehemence because as I typed out those words about my issues, I could hear that shaming in my head. And in the back, the ever popular, “I'll give you something to really cry about.”

When we have no mechanism to acknowledge our pain and release it, it festers and poisons us. Every one of my addictive behaviors was pain management, pure and simple. Many of those I have met in Recovery have said the same about their 'adventures' as well.

I suppose all this is pouring out, like my liquid shit, because of the confluence of Lawfare Phase One ending and Father's Day.

I few years ago I had the good fortune to be able to resolve things with my father. It took a fucking half a century to happen, but it did happen. Not many get to do that in my experience. That he himself did a lot of inner work is what made that possible, too. It wasn't all me by any means. Largely what I did was merely to affirm the correctness of his path.

The unhappy colliery to this is that my mother has not done any of that work and I suspect she shall go to her grave with our relationship unresolved. That is pretty painful, truth be told.

My step-father...? I have a Google Alert for his name, waiting to hear that he has died. I then plan to piss upon his grave at the first opportune moment. I'll post a pic, too.

Okay, I really didn't expect all that to come bubbling up. Guess I am feeling better if I can face that nasty shit, all puns intended.

Think Good Thoughts about rentals for us, boys and girls. And so it is...

Lawfare [Phase One Mopping Up Operations]

~I wrote up a letter 'from Le-Le' to the park manager yesterday giving her the 411 on the sitch here. It included That Woman's snail mail addy and phone number plus a copy of the stipulation. It said 'I don't own this house any more, talk to this bitch,' more or less.

Tomorrow I call Kern Co Tax and find out the Who, How and Where of the same process. We want those fucking taxes off Le-Le's record. Let that fucking cunt pay them.

Except for Le-Le's call to that other park that seems to have some nice rentals, this weekend is largely a write-off in the Moving Dept. The last few months, and especially the last few weeks, badly damaged us both. I suspect I'll only be up for a few hours now, eating, supplementing and medicating, before I lay down again. I can feel how fried I still am.

Goddess Willing, we can get going again tomorrow with some amount of endurance...

Life in The Desert

~It is presently 99° and 8% humidity. Cook a steak on yer car hood for dad. lol

EDIT: It hit 100° right after I posted this.

Kept To A Single Page

Mrs. Goldenring,

I have kept my mouth shut through most of this on advice of council, but that no longer matters now. I shall however keep this to a single page.

I suspect you've been so unforgiving and relentless in this matter because you're angry with me, because you felt 'bullied' by me. But all I was doing was defending Ms Hayes, who has been very good to me for years, given me a roof over my head and compassionate companionship.

What would you have done with a stranger who appeared out of nowhere demanding money from someone you loved, refusing to show even a scrape of paper to prove they had a right to do so? Based upon your actions in this matter, it would likely have been far worse than a phone call with a few 'rough' patches.

Ms Hayes has lesions on her brain and her spine. That is what MS does. She is on Disability, aka a Fixed Income. Her legs have been semi-numb since the day we went to court and she signed your stipulation. Stress causes MS to flare up. Over the past months I would check on her as she slept, fearful that she would die in her sleep because of your onslaught. That is who you have pushed out of her home, a house that is barely worth ten grand, as you shall soon find out.

It's not like you didn't know her condition. I told you on the phone and in every letter sent. She is also a Progressive. I was going to prefix that with 'fellow', but she seems to have been only a number to you.

You travel all over the world helping the poor and downtrodden, yet here, in your literal backyard, you engage in the worse kind of Plutocratic abuse, grinding down a poor disabled women with your money, using a wannabe Republican politician no less. But it seems your sense of Social Justice stops at the US border.

And this is why The Republic is doomed. When it came down to your own pocketbook, you went straight to the very thing you supposedly are fighting against, the economic oppression of the poor. What then can be expected from the supposedly less enlightened when those like yourself act so callously?

Michael V. Daly

PS For what it's worth, I too am disabled.

..I'll let it sit overnight..