Apr. 18th, 2023

nebris: (A Dark Boy)
[for Gretchen]

I wish I could hold You in my arms,
lying in a field of tall, wild grass.
I wish I could kiss Your beautiful face
while the wide, green blades swayed above us.
I wish I could tell You how I Love You,
and see Your Amber Eyes brighten at the news.
I wish I could be Your One True Love,
and You, mine, and We could face the world together.
I wish We could walk arm in arm in the rain,
and laugh, and always be In Love.
But it is not the rain,
it is only my tears.
And Your beautiful face, My Love,
it makes me happy and sad,
all at once.
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
[for Gretchen]

So, what do I know?
I know how to stand solitary
under a bright misty moon,
with an emptiness that crushes
and tears streaming down my face.
I know how to look up
at that full round orb,
and wonder about
this one,
or that one.
Is she looking at it as well?
And is she alone,
or is a lover by her side?
I know how to "just be friends",
how to be loving and supportive,
how to listen with true understanding,
as she,
whichever 'she' it happens to be this time,
as she bares her soul to me
about the husbandloverboyfriendgirlfriend,
past, present, or future,
how then are there, or not there,
attentive, or absent,
how the disposable boys make them cum,
but the great guys can't.
I know how to want women
who just aren't fucking there.
"I like you, but..."
I know how to hurt,
and hurt,
and hurt,
and hurt,
'til I can't even speak their names.
I know how to cut out a piece of my heart,
and walk away forever.
I know how to survive,
wishing that I knew how to die.
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
[for Gretchen]

Portland in summer
An afternoon cloudburst
Wet clothes
Cling to her body
I envy their
Good Fortune
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
[for Gretchen]

The forest vibrated with summer.
It had taken Moon Pearl days
to reach this place;
the foot of the Grand Father Tree,
wise and mighty.
She climbed to a lower branch
and slept 'til dark,
when the glow beyond the mountains
foretold her Mother's coming.
Her Hunting Spirit alive,
Moon Pearl slipped to the forest floor,
swift and silent.
She reached the lake at Moonrise,
her Mother's bright smile
shimmering on its waters.
Moon Pearl disrobed,
and gazed upon her reflection.
How long since she was here like this?
She had been a little girl,
scared and wounded,
her small, slim body,
pale and featureless
under her Mother's Light.
But how the world had turned.
She saw her bosom
was full and beautiful.
Her hips, smooth and round.
The ancient Symbols of her Ancestor's
inked into her fair
and luminescent skin.
She was a Woman.
And Strong.
She bathed herself,
washing off the cares
of her journey.
When she emerged from the lake
the warm summer breeze
gently caressed her.
She brushed out her hair,
and bound it in a horsetail
at the top of her skull.
She put on a pair of moccasins,
their leather, fine and un-used.
She anointed her body
with plum blossom oil,
the Sacred Fragrance of Kuan Yin,
her Mother's Name in The East.
She adorned herself
with silver jewelry,
a few simple pieces
crafted by her own hand.
Now, she was ready.
She raised up her arms
and prayed for her Mother's Blessing.
Then she returned to the Great tree,
and began her climb.
Hour after hour
she ascended,
steadily,
noiselessly,
clambering up his huge trunk
as if she had been born to this.
When her Mother was straight overhead
Moon Pearl reached his crown.
Her limbs ached and burned.
She was sheened with sweat,
causing her body to glow like her namesake.
But she was exhilarated.
At her feet lay the Great Forest,
dark and still.
In the distance
the deep black of the mountains
was etched against
the bright black of the sky,
its vault covered with stars,
sharp and sparkling.
Between the mountains
was a glistening line of silver.
This was the Ocean,
her Mother's Light
dappling its surface.
Moon Pearl lived there now,
made her home on the edge
of her Mother's vast Womb.
And this reminded her
of why she was here.
Moon pearl pressed her cheek
against the rough bark.
She whispered her questions softly,
and waited.
After an infinite moment,
with slow and measured words,
he began to tell her
where she could find
the rest of who she was.
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
[for Gretchen]

i wish i wanted to kill myself
that passion is at least filling
but all i feel is emptiness
she is vanishing into her lover
and our plans and dreams
they are all evaporating
like my tears on the bare pavement
scoured by the parching Santa Ana
nebris: (A Dark Boy)
[for Gretchen]

The simple pleasure
of cherry blossoms,
fragile and glorious,
against a bright blue sky
can move the heart
to sing its memory
'til the Last Breath
ascends to Heaven.

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The Divine Mr. M

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