![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nebris~Some of you know that Le-Le has MS. That means among other things she has lesions in her brain that can kill her without warning. That's what we live with.
These next few days she has to push herself. Bring me home from the dentist tomorrow morning and taking poor sick old Icarus into the vet on Wednesday morning. With the latter, I'm not sure if they won't just say he should be put to sleep.
At some point after she got up today, a blood vessel burst in her left eye. That terrified me, though she felt nothing and her research said she shroud be fine. Here's the thing however; if I die, she's in trouble, but could survive okay, though it would be stressful. If she dies, I am homeless within a month or so. Period. Govt money issues.
So, I made a decision when I lay down before. I will never be homeless again. If she dies on me, I'll do my best to rehome the kitties, but whomever I cannot gets put to sleep. Then I will put myself to sleep. And yes, I have a clear and practical method in mind.
I found some grim peace in that. At least I now know what to do. I have a plan. There is still fear there. I do want to live. But I am so fucking tired of merely surviving...
...and now I shall make myself some coffee and go about my life as if I was going to live forever.
These next few days she has to push herself. Bring me home from the dentist tomorrow morning and taking poor sick old Icarus into the vet on Wednesday morning. With the latter, I'm not sure if they won't just say he should be put to sleep.
At some point after she got up today, a blood vessel burst in her left eye. That terrified me, though she felt nothing and her research said she shroud be fine. Here's the thing however; if I die, she's in trouble, but could survive okay, though it would be stressful. If she dies, I am homeless within a month or so. Period. Govt money issues.
So, I made a decision when I lay down before. I will never be homeless again. If she dies on me, I'll do my best to rehome the kitties, but whomever I cannot gets put to sleep. Then I will put myself to sleep. And yes, I have a clear and practical method in mind.
I found some grim peace in that. At least I now know what to do. I have a plan. There is still fear there. I do want to live. But I am so fucking tired of merely surviving...
...and now I shall make myself some coffee and go about my life as if I was going to live forever.
