The Divine Mr. M

~Default is a little more than a week away...

...so, it's Hurry Up and Wait around here. Last March, Blanca, the park manager, told me that she was sure there were at least twenty other residents here who depended upon Social Security, etc. to pay their rent. I have no doubt that plenty of the storage spaces where we rent ours are the same. And Rosamond has lots of retired folks, especially vets, so Default would ripple through this town like an aftershock. Rents and mortgages unpaid, food un-purchased, services unused. *sigh*

In Kitteh Nooz...the Big Stupid Foot is bleeding a bit today. That's what happened the last time we treated it. I freaked and dragged him to the vet. That's not on the menu for the foreseeable future and they'd simply tell us what we already know. Therefore, we'll just keeping treating it. Going to add the coconut oil back into the mix, too. Hopefully, that should add some relief. If it gets bad, we'll go to gauze and Ace bandages.

I'm thinking that the vet's original treatment was meant to break the tumor up. Maybe what we're doing will bring that about. *shrug* At least we're taking some positive action.

..and that's about that.

PS WinCo in the am...then we hunker down.

"Read all the Rules of Writing. Studying them thoroughly. Learn them well. Then, when you finally sit down to write, toss them all out the window and write what and how you please."

~I was going to write that yesterday was 'a bad day', but it was really just a tough day with a particularly bad episode.

I finally made the WinCo run around seven in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep all that much because I was obsessing. But in the end I pushed myself. And, as usual, I paid a price for that.

I got back and finished unloading around half eight. Then I just sat for over an hour, exhausted, stuck between eating or sleeping. Finally, I ate, then slept. But I'd fried myself.

After about an hour, I woke up with the worse case of The Spins I've ever had. Usually, they just make me dizzy and I more or less go about my business until I can sleep it off. It's not pleasant, but it is manageable.

The pattern is always the same. It wake up to the thing. It never just comes on me. And when I go back to sleep, it goes away. I'm fairly certain it is stress related.

This time I woke up with such a bad case that it gave me severe motion sickness. I wound up on the crappier with liquid shit hosing out my ass while I puked in the sink and was soaked in a cold sweat. That went on for maybe twenty minutes. When the shitting ended I stood and dry wretched so loudly that Le-Le heard me all the way out in the living room.

She did a hands-on Healing on me when I lay back down on my bed and I soon fell back to sleep. Five hours later I woke up and The Spins were gone, though obviously I was pretty wobbly and totally wrung out. I did a breakfast cycle and went back to bed.

I'm much improved today. Of course I'm still 'hung over' from all that and plan to chill the fuck out for the next few days.

I said to Le-Le that I thought this 'psychosomatic' in that it is clearly stress related. I'm suspecting that it was so bad this time because not only had I been stressing all week and then pushed myself, but also because now that the shopping is done, the next item is something I utterly dread; going to the dental walk-in at crack of dawn.

I'd say that the stress wrings my neck and shoulders grievously tight which then fucks with my inner ear via the Eustachian tubes. I am going to talk to the gang at Rural Health about this when on my next visit in about a month or so. But if I am correct, the best they'll be able to do it give my some motion sickness meds. However, those might merely knock me out...which would be just fucking fine as far as I'm concerned.

Note: For those Majickal wankers who think their 'bad juju' has worked on me, all of this, as the Insurance Industry labels them, are 'preexisting conditions' and you're just blowing smoke up your own ass.

As I now have a bit more energy, I'm washing my bedclothes. I will then shower and go back to sleep. And that is just about that...

~I've been sleeping fairly well in spite of my own craziness. I said to Le-Le last night that 'I wasn't sure what to do with myself without some fucking Drama lurking'. But generally, that is actually a relief..if I have something to with which distract myself. This weekend it'll be the end of “Fringe.” I have Episodes Three through Thirteen lined up.

I had been mulling both a Her Prophet post about how much of The Temple is based around the concert of building a Master Race, etc and a rant about the racist hypocrisy of The Republic’s Middle Class vis-a-vis Newtown and Drone Strikes...

But fuck that. I need to chill some more. Really, this last year was a fucking clusterfuck and it ain't even a month gone yet, ya know?

Need to wash my hair, too....

~My darling Kat called me earlier to wish me a happy birthday. She's called a dozen times in the past two months or so. And I've been very bad about calling her back. This is part of what I said to her in an e-mail:

“Please forgive me for not calling back all these months. I've been avoiding the phone in general because the thought of any kind of personal conversation makes me tired and anxious. All I've had to talk about is negative and taxing and I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can make 'business' calls because they are brief, specific, and detached. But you know once I get on the phone two hours will pass in an instant at least.

I said to Le-Le the other day that we have to use the 'getting over a breakup' time table, you know, half the time you were in the relationship, to heal from all this shit. Between The Oathbreaker and Bette Fucken Goldenring, we had nine months of essentially unrelenting Crisis and Drama, punctuated with moments of Terrible Loss. So I'd say we need roughly four and a half months.

And we've been here in Funky Town for barely two months now...

I'm just sleeping when I'm tired and eating when I'm hungry. I know I need to start doing some physical exercise...and I'll get to that when I get to that, probably as it cools off a bit more.”

That pretty much sums up what's going on around here. I forgot the part about what Moropus said to me the other day, that there's been so much shit flying around here that no-one can sort out The Message, that my 'background noise' is the aggro, not my Work.

I replied, “Yeah, it's tough being a Great and Glorious Guru when you're getting you ass kicked.” What I got from that is that I just need to fucking chill for a good while, likely the rest of the year. It seems the aggro has gone away - *knocks on wood* - so we should be able to do that. We both have health issues that need to be attended to, but those are not picking our pockets or putting us on the street.

And at some point the VA will give into Le-Le's lawyer – maybe another year or so - and cough up some serious and steady cash. We need to be calm and rested to utilize that effectively.

And so it is...